Bats, Boobies, and Banging Heads: An Evening with Steel Panther in Charlotte
Glam Metal Mayhem Comes To The Fillmore
Warning: Review Is Rated R Due To Colorful Language, Sexual Innuendo, and Not Safe For Work Situations
Sunday night the comedic glam metal band Steel Panther rocked the roof off of the Fillmore Charlotte. Ever since, I’ve been pondering the question of how to write a review of the show without talking about p*ssy, titties, and weenies. The answer is, I can’t and so I press on anyway. Consider yourself fairly warned. If you’re not familiar with Steel Panther, they are the epitome of a glam metal stereotype and they embrace it warmly. Known for their humor and profane lyrics, the band takes the hair metal lifestyle to an entirely new level and makes no bones about it. They are a unique blend of metal music and comedy and let me tell you that the sold-out crowd in Charlotte ate up every f*cking minute of it.
But before I get into the raunch and roll of Steel Panther, let’s give the openers their moment in the sun. First up was The L.A. Maybe, a band that was born right here in the Carolinas and is doing its best to keep rock and roll alive for the masses. These guys are the real deal and their debut album Dirty Damn Tricks is proof of that. With a stage presence that is off the charts and rock-solid songs to back it up, The L.A. Maybe won over the audience from the very first notes.
The band has performed with the best of the best in rock and last fall won the Kiss Kruise XI Soundcheck Competition, giving them a coveted spot playing on the cruise. With sizzling guitars and damaging rhythms, The L.A. Maybe rocked a short, but extremely sweet set. In fact, you could say it was sugary as they kicked into their signature tune “Oh, Sugar” as fans pumped their fists in the air and jumped up and down. If you like classic rock and roll with a definite 80s vibe, this is a band for you. Be sure to check them out!
Hailing from Austin, Texas, next up was Black Heart Saints. This was the first time I was getting to see them, so I was excited to see what they would bring and bring it they did! Lead vocalist Josh Ross was a whirlwind of energy from the start as he bounced, slid, and jumped all over the stage without missing a note. Their latest single “Human Xstacy” is out now via Cleopatra Records and really packs a hell of a punch. Another band that is putting the rock back into rock and roll, Black Heart Saints was intense. They were definitely the heaviest band of the evening with the talented Nathan Flores behind the kit, hair flowing as he wildly beat the skins to drive the pace along with the thumping bass lines of Ian C.G. Quiet but deadly is the way I would describe guitarist Mark Sean whose sizzling leads speak for themselves. Do yourself a big favor and go ahead and add these guys to your playlist now.
Throughout the early evening, the Fillmore was starting to fill up fast as fans made their way to the merch tables in the back and clamored toward the front of the stage in anticipation of the superb spectacle that was to come. The audience was made up of fans of all ages from a young child right up on the barrier with his dad holding up a sign that read ‘My 2nd Steel Panther Show” to a few senior ladies, one of whom would make an appearance later in the show. (More on that in a bit.) As the lights dimmed, the crowd roared and it was on!
Steel Panther hit the stage like a storm with power and panache and it was clear that the Charlotte date of the On The Prowl tour was going to be something we would never forget. Clad in more makeup than a Mary Kay rep and more spandex than you’d see in your local gym, Steel Panther rock the 80s looks better than anyone. In fact, there were more than a few women in the audience that were jealous of their luscious, long locks and skills with a makeup brush, myself included. But don’t let their appearance and sexual innuendos fool you. Musically, Steel Panther is anything but a joke.
From the first notes of the opening tune “Goin’ in the Backdoor,” the band is on fire. Vocalist Michael Starr is in full control of the stage, commanding the audience at his whim as his vocals soar over the venue while guitarist Satchel lets the riffs and solos keep on ripping. Drummer Stix Zadinia is a powerhouse, pounding away with the force of a cannon while the newest band member, Spyder, has the bass lines slithering. Steel Panther may be musically tight but they are loose as ever with their stage demeanor, playful and cocky as they entertain us with their raucous adventures.
After the fists-in-the-air anthem “Asian Hooker,” things got even crazier with “All I Wanna Do Is F*ck (Myself Tonight) with plenty of pelvic thrusts and cunning grins. Next up was the first cover tune of the night and a lucky fan down front got the opportunity to join the band on stage for “Ain’t Talkin’ Bout Love” but not before Satchel joked that he couldn’t let him play his guitar because he just put new strings on it. It was a pretty cool moment and the young man did a great job. I mean he was no Eddie Van Halen, but then again, who the hell is? Everyone cheered him on and he will have a memory to tell his own grandkids someday.
Michael Starr left the stage for a moment and was re-introduced as the one and only Ozzy Osbourne as the band tore into “Crazy Train.” Starr had his Ozzy imitation down pat as he stammered and stuttered with Ozzy’s signature glasses on. He even had a giant rubber bat that he held up threateningly before biting the head off in a very Ozzy-eque moment. I have to laugh because there was a young couple standing to the side of me who actually believed for a few moments that it was actually Ozzy up there. I’m pretty sure they may have had a few too many White Claws by this time of the night. After we all got “crazy,” it was time for another throwback to the 80s era of rock and metal with an epic guitar solo from Satchel complete with him getting on the top of Stix’s drumkit and playing his guitar and the drums at the same time as everyone headbanged along. A-f*cking-mazing!
So by this time of the evening, we had bats and most definitely banging heads, so what about the boobies I mentioned earlier? They’re coming. Bear with me. Next, we had Michael call a lovely, young lady up on stage by the name of Kolby (Colby?) who got to take a seat on the stage while the band dove into audience favorite, the iconic “Weenie Ride.” Everyone was on their feet hands waving in the air from side to side. Of course, this segment of the show wouldn’t be complete without some wisecracks and a lot of antics as they did “Impromptu Song for a Girl” where each member of the band came up with a song to sing to Kolby. At one point, someone from the band’s team had to come out on stage to fix Stix’s keyboard and while he was under there, they joked that he provided additional services for the band as Stix humped his head. Kolby took her time in the spotlight in stride and played along with the band to the fullest. When Satchel told her she looked like the kind of girl who would have an Onlyfans and she admitted that she did indeed have one!
So what about the boobies? Yes, it’s finally time because as Kolby was on stage a girl in the audience got up on someone’s shoulders to flash the band but that was not all. The band invited all the women on stage that wanted to join the band for the next song which was appropriate for the occasion, “17 Girls in a Row.” At this point, about a dozen or so young and not-so-young females joined the band on stage to dance and for lack of a better expression, ho it up. There was one female in particular that Michael took a shine to and that was none other than the world-famous and local rocking legend Rockin’ Momma Judy. Judy is 76 years young and is a staple at area rock and metal shows and festivals, moshing and headbanging, and even crowd surfing. Tonight, she would flash her boobies at Satchel while another young woman flashed the entire audience. So there you have it, boobies.
You would think that would be the grand finale of the evening but it wasn’t over yet. Steel Panther had a few more left in them and melted our faces with “Death to All but Metal” as we screamed and yelled for more. Of course, it wouldn’t be a Steel Panther show if we didn’t make that dangerous journey through “Gloryhole.” What a night!
Steel Panther is definitely not for everyone, but if you love 80s-style rock and have a great sense of humor, you will absolutely love it. The band has a bunch of upcoming tour dates so grab your buddies and plan a “Balls Out” night of rowdy, raunchy, rock and roll with the very best, Steel Panther.
Public Service Announcement: If you’re easily offended or have a giant stick in your *ss, do everyone else a favor and stay the f*ck home. After all, Heavy Metal Rules!
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